Bible-Prayer-Europe Equipping Center

It is a joy to have a husband called and ordained into the ministry. It is a joy to be a minister's wife.

However, there are many problems that can arise when a spouse is always in the "limelight".

At first introduction to a church assignment there is eagerness and the happy anticipation of well-being. The new pastor and his wife feel that the church is perfect and that the people of the congregation are wonderful. In all too many cases the "honeymoon" is short lived. Church members begin to say and do various things that reveal the need for a woman who is confident and capable in the role of minister's wife.

Sadly, many ministers' wives have difficulty in knowing and fulfilling their role expectations for various reasons.

Perhaps a wife may feel neglected and become resentful of the demands placed upon her husband by the church. Unfortunately, many churches do forget about the family members and their needs. However, the church is not solely to blame. It is a proven fact that the lack of Biblical maturity, and the lack of a dynamic relationship with God is also found in the life of a minister's wife who is having problems being a minister's wife.

"How to be a minister's wife" is not something that a woman can learn from the church, her friends, her family, her husband, or even herself.

The decision about "who she is" and what she should do in the church as a minister's wife can only come from the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus alone can get rid of the confusion and frustration that comes with trying to be the "perfect" minister's wife. Jesus is the only one who can give the security that is necessary in order to set the minister's wife free from the condemnation and criticism of church members. Only Jesus can heal wounds and remove bitterness allowing freedom through forgiveness.

As a minister's wife walks closely to the Lord Jesus through daily prayer and Bible study she will learn how to walk calmly and confidently through every situation that occurs in the church because she will be seeing it through God's perspective.

Furthermore, depending on Jesus does away with "self effort" which leads to "burn out", pressure, and disillusionment. The disillusionment of church, spouse, and self leads to guilt feelings, anger, and defeat. Therefore, the defeated wife under the weight of self condemnation admits "I guess I'm just not called to be a minister's wife".

Not only does the Lordship of Jesus Christ free a minister's wife from "self effort" but the Lordship of Jesus Christ will also keep you from the one word that will cause a minister's wife to consider divorce. The one word that can bring a minister's wife to the point that she will cause friction and problems in a church to such an extent that her husband may lose his church position or even quit the ministry totally.

What is that one word? Idolatry. Idolatry means to put any thing or anyone (even self) before or in the place of God. A person cannot serve two masters. It is impossible to have the Lordship of Christ and be in idolatry.

Idolatry may be hidden in any phase of a ministry. Therefore it is important that each part of the ministry be examined closely.

The very first part that a minister's wife needs to inspect is the "call" to the ministry. By asking two very simple questions any idolatry in the call of her husband and herself can be pinpointed easily. These two questions are: What is the most important thing in my life--God or the ministry to which He called us? Are my eyes constantly on God or constantly on the ministry?

If the answer to either of these questions is " the ministry", then idolatry is present and must be repented of and God's forgiveness and cleansing sought.

When God calls His children to a task He never wants them to put their focus on the task and off of Himself. God never tells a person to focus their attention on a leadership position. Instead, Jesus states that, " My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me". (John 10.27)

A second part of the ministry that needs to be inspected for idolatry is the husband/wife relationship of the minister and spouse. A wife must never let a husband and his desires have more priority than God. A wife should not spend more time finding out what her husband wants than finding out what God's plans are for her life. A minister's wife needs to spend time alone with God every day in order to develop a relationship with God and to receive His guidance and goals.

Furthermore, children and relatives are not to have priority over God. As a mother, a woman must not seek her family's goals. Instead she must seek God's goals for her family. A house is ruled by a family's goals. A home is ruled by God alone.

A third area that idolatry can occur in ministry is when a minister or minister's wife is more concerned with pleasing church members than pleasing God. People's acceptance should never usurp God's Word or his directions for a minister or minister's wife. Remember--people placed above God become idols.

In addition, any time that personal ambition or desires are chosen over God's desires an idol is set up in a person's life.

Idols in a ministry do not just pertain to people or personal ambitions. Things can also be set up as idols.

Things in themselves are not wrong. However, a love of things is wrong. In Mark 12.30 Jesus states, " And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength; this is the first commandment." A total love for the Lord Jesus Christ leaves no room for idols. God alone is to be the controlling force in a Christian's life--not things.

Any time a thing becomes compulsive or a burden that separates a Christian from God's freedom it is wrong. Any thing that takes the place of time with God is wrong. Any thing that hinders God's working in an individual's life needs to be confessed and gotten rid of totally and immediately.

When a minister's wife keeps God in first place in her life--when she gives Jesus Christ total Lordship of her life--she will be fulfilled and blessed in every area of her life. She will be able to see everything and everyone in the proper Godly perspective. She will be content.

The minister's wife who casts away her idols and depends wholly on the Lord Jesus Christ will see herself as God sees her. Disillusionment and despair will no longer be able to control her. She will move in the power and instruction of the Holy Spirit.